Saturday, December 15, 2012

What I know about Mental Illness

Ok this is going to be really hard to explain but hang in there with me.I am using myself as an example of this real story because I DO understand the state of mind the shooter was in.

As a child I was traumatized from age 5 to 14 and by the time I got into my teens I was totally out of control.Back then they called it schizophrenia but I could not talk to the doctors about what was really going on for fear of reprisal from the person who was abusing me.Later I was on Valiums to keep myself calmed down which lead to a attempted suicide.I was in a marriage I didn't want to be in and he also abused me.

Then came the drugs and alcohol including LSD,cocaine. Until I met my husband I am now married to.He told me it was either him or them.I chose him.Which I am happy about the choosing him too.Later a doctor that I gave my family history to told me I had a chemical imbalance and that is where the Bipolar came into the picture.You can look it up on Yahoo Health.Please look this up and get an understanding of the disorder.

Now let me explain the basics of trying to find a doctor to treat you.Remember the insurance companies come in the picture too.

If you have a doctor to treat you,great,you are in like flint.But these doctors charge alot of money to treat you for mental illness.Mine?for 15 minutes $90.00 bucks.Think if I wanted an hour? I only get maybe 10 to 15 minutes with my docotor to tell him what is going on,why?,I'm on medicaid and this is all I have right now.I get my meds but even these aren't working.So I have to keep going back and going back and be a guinea pig to find something that works.In the last two years since being treated I have gained 60 pounds off these meds.

It is expensive to take a person whether it's a child or teenager or an adult to see these doctors and then the insurance companies tell the doctors what they can do and not do.What they can prescribe to the patients.I have a book on these meds.I feel for parents when something is wrong with their children and can't get them help,it's a hard and cruel world out there.

Now here is another factor in this equation,parents who both work and even then they can't make ends meet because of bills being so high.What do you choose,food ,car payment,medicine,utilities to be paid?Little is left over by the time it's all said and done.If you have regular insurance you still have to pay the 20% that is left over.Which at times these people don't have.

Single parents with children are hit hardest,what does this have to do with mental illness? I tell you,it's called the stress factor.Parents get under stress which spirals down to the point that depression sets in and then a don't care attitude comes about.It happens it's a fact.Now we have a depressed parent and the child feeds off this and looks for other routes to feel wanted.This is what is wrong with our world now.We can't cure everyone but if you know someone having a problem you can help just by being there for them.Being supportive.

This chemical imbalance works like this-from my view-you live in a euphoric state of mind.Somethings are real some isn't.You can also hallucinate with an imbalance,thinking someone is out to get you or you think you are invinceable.You get the feeling you can get away with things and no one will notice.Anger is off the charts and you take it out on others.You also will mutilate yourself as in cutting yourself cause you want to "feel" something(which I have never done).And that comes down to not being able to "feel" because you shut down inside or numb yourself to the outside world therefore becoming antisocialable.It's a hellish state of mind and it's a place anyone would not want to be.But I've been there and back.

This is what is happening to people.This is the new generation of people here and it's here to stay if we don't change the system.This is reality people.We see it we hear it we try to hide from it but it won't go away.Unless Congress and the States come up with something different,we are in for a hard ride.I am still having to work out my state of mind,but it will get better when I get home because the doctors there are better than here.

I'm not going to get into the gun control issue or what I think should or should not be done.Only to say this,my husband is trying to get his FFL and on the paperwork,you have to have a background check and not be mentally ill.Beside most of these shootings have occurred with the person taking the guns from someone else.That enough said.

Have a great Saturday and we need to pray for the children and teachers and the parents of these children who lost their lives to this brutal shooting.


  1. Thanks for posting this. I came over from Mama Pea's. I've long wondered why guns are easier to access than mental health care. sigh...


    1. Sometimes it takes months to see these doctors it- take a few minutes to get access to a gun if someone has them.

  2. Before the very real problem of obtaining good mental health care came the atrocity of ALLOWING someone with severe enough problems of his/her own to traumatize a child from age 5 to 14. What a tremendous uphill battle you have had to wage. You've gone through more than most of us but you seem to have survived as a very intelligent and strong woman. The last statistic I read was that one in every four females is abused before reaching maturity. That means you could go down your blog list, divide it into small groups of four and know one blogger in each group will have experienced abuse as a child.

    I don't know the problems the shooter in CT had. But I do believe the violence and lack of morals portrayed in the "entertainment" sector of our society today is contributing to a skewed way of looking at life. So many young people are growing up completely lacking a sense of what is right and what is wrong. This isn't something that is classified as or treated as mental illness in most cases. People say it's just the way it is these days.

    I agree with you totally when you say we must change.

    1. I was raised ina family that believed in keeping the skeletons in the closet,You didn't say nothing you kept your mouth shut.Only later did my mother say that she thought something was going on and then I felt so betrayed by her.But yet when I said something and it got out in the open I was ousta out of the house.I've been on my own since I was 14 and it was a rough ride.But the point is this kids need guidance and they just are not getting it anymore from the parents.Parents don't have that "family time" for their children.

  3. Thank you for your trust in posting this. People don't understand how hard & expensive it is to get help for those who need it. I do think a lot is dur to family life, parents not able to parent with work schedules. Thats an unfair shortened version of my thoughts but all time and space will allow. Our culture is so lax in morals & exposed to so much violence in game form. , reality has no chance

    1. It took 3 months for me to get an appointment with my shrink and then you have to get blood tests and then another month to see them again.See? It shouldn't be so complicated but it is.One thing I did want to mention in this post is that a person can even be born with a chemical imbalance,they don't have to go thru a traumatic experience to be that way.I numbed myself along time ago and have had to fight my way back since then.Somethings make me cry some makes me laugh but most time I'm in the middle of them both.I really think in my opinion kids nowadays are fed wrong,ignored and are basically raising theirselves and this is a problem.There is no home structure any more because the parents are just as bad.